Pre-Production: Third Tutorial With Simon - Script Amendments
After we handed in our second draft of the script Simon reviewed it and then gave us feedback to move into our third draft. He suggested things mainly to do with our story that needed work.
Our story needs a boiling point. Although we are creating a Sitcom and the boiling points aren't dramatic, there needs to be an obvious change in the characters, ideally it needs to show that they have been utterly defeated however it could show the characters reaching their goal and something great happening for them. We decided to go with the latter choice as we want Annie & Dean to have success the feeling of success before it comes crashing down on them. We believe that this will make it funnier when the host of the show removes Dean's application.
Simon also suggested that we provide the audience with a solution to Annie & Dean's problems in this episode. We have come up with the possible idea of having Annie and Claire discussing Instagram and Claire teaches Annie the art of hash-tagging which allows her success when Jordan Hamsey (host of show) comes to the door and she films the occasion. Her end post results in many likes on Instagram helping her to get closer to her grandchildren as they can see it.
We were also advised that we need to see Annie & Dean spying on the kids house and talking about how they need to see their kids more. By doing this it will remind the audience why Annie & Dean are doing what they're doing.
As a possibility we have thought about rounding the episode off with a phone call from the children inviting them up for Christmas. We like the idea of having this solution as it shows that they have achieved what they wanted in the episode, however leaving it open for the rest of the series.
The third draft can be found in the Pre-Production Book.
Our story needs a boiling point. Although we are creating a Sitcom and the boiling points aren't dramatic, there needs to be an obvious change in the characters, ideally it needs to show that they have been utterly defeated however it could show the characters reaching their goal and something great happening for them. We decided to go with the latter choice as we want Annie & Dean to have success the feeling of success before it comes crashing down on them. We believe that this will make it funnier when the host of the show removes Dean's application.
Simon also suggested that we provide the audience with a solution to Annie & Dean's problems in this episode. We have come up with the possible idea of having Annie and Claire discussing Instagram and Claire teaches Annie the art of hash-tagging which allows her success when Jordan Hamsey (host of show) comes to the door and she films the occasion. Her end post results in many likes on Instagram helping her to get closer to her grandchildren as they can see it.
We were also advised that we need to see Annie & Dean spying on the kids house and talking about how they need to see their kids more. By doing this it will remind the audience why Annie & Dean are doing what they're doing.
As a possibility we have thought about rounding the episode off with a phone call from the children inviting them up for Christmas. We like the idea of having this solution as it shows that they have achieved what they wanted in the episode, however leaving it open for the rest of the series.
The third draft can be found in the Pre-Production Book.
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