Pre-Production: Fifth Tutorial With Simon - Script Amendments
After handing in our latest draft, we have been given more feedback from Simon on how to move forward.
We have called our Pilot episode "Son of a Biscuit" which Simon approved of and he thinks that our script is going in the right direction now.
In the teaser we need to make it more clear that Annie & Dean are the parents of Marie by perhaps having her shout "Mum! Dad! Not again!" as at the moment it isn't obvious that they are related. It's also important that we understand that Marie is married with children so that the audience understands why Annie & Dean are so desperate to keep in touch with her. At the moment, Annie comes across as too aggressive when speaking to the guests at the party about her outfits, as she has not begun to change her character into a more confident and outspoken person in public, we need to show her as a more timid and vulnerable character. There also needs to be a stronger connection to making the link of Young & Famous in the teaser as it is still not obvious as to how this idea occurs to them. We have decided that Annie & Dean will go to Marie's house to apologise but Marie turns them away. It's important that the right locations are found for the teaser as it needs to be convincing that they are at a flashy magazine launch with enough people there to attend it to make it look smart and realistic.
In terms of the other scenes we need to move them on further to keep the pace up. At the moment the spaghetti bolognese scene doesn't move the story on in any way other than to give a bit of history to the characters. This scene is also quite lengthy so we will remove it and replace it with a scene where Annie & Dean re-visit Marie's house to check up on their family. Marie speaks to them over the camera on the gates to tell them to go away.
When they return home Annie is utterly defeated whereas Dean is more interested in putting his cookies into the oven. Annie sits sobbing on the stairs and Dean returns to her to console her. His timer beeps and he gets Annie to follow him into the Kitchen. On the way Annie sees a film crew through the dining room window and gets excited. She answers the door calling Dean to come and the scene carries on as normal. We need to make sure that Jordan Hamsey's line is quicker and punchier as at the moment it's too long winded and therefore loses it's funniness.
This draft can be found in the Pre-Production Book.
We have called our Pilot episode "Son of a Biscuit" which Simon approved of and he thinks that our script is going in the right direction now.
In the teaser we need to make it more clear that Annie & Dean are the parents of Marie by perhaps having her shout "Mum! Dad! Not again!" as at the moment it isn't obvious that they are related. It's also important that we understand that Marie is married with children so that the audience understands why Annie & Dean are so desperate to keep in touch with her. At the moment, Annie comes across as too aggressive when speaking to the guests at the party about her outfits, as she has not begun to change her character into a more confident and outspoken person in public, we need to show her as a more timid and vulnerable character. There also needs to be a stronger connection to making the link of Young & Famous in the teaser as it is still not obvious as to how this idea occurs to them. We have decided that Annie & Dean will go to Marie's house to apologise but Marie turns them away. It's important that the right locations are found for the teaser as it needs to be convincing that they are at a flashy magazine launch with enough people there to attend it to make it look smart and realistic.
In terms of the other scenes we need to move them on further to keep the pace up. At the moment the spaghetti bolognese scene doesn't move the story on in any way other than to give a bit of history to the characters. This scene is also quite lengthy so we will remove it and replace it with a scene where Annie & Dean re-visit Marie's house to check up on their family. Marie speaks to them over the camera on the gates to tell them to go away.
When they return home Annie is utterly defeated whereas Dean is more interested in putting his cookies into the oven. Annie sits sobbing on the stairs and Dean returns to her to console her. His timer beeps and he gets Annie to follow him into the Kitchen. On the way Annie sees a film crew through the dining room window and gets excited. She answers the door calling Dean to come and the scene carries on as normal. We need to make sure that Jordan Hamsey's line is quicker and punchier as at the moment it's too long winded and therefore loses it's funniness.
This draft can be found in the Pre-Production Book.
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